Controlling My Excitement

The short taper I’m currently on is definitely making a difference. I’m starting to feel better in the water and somewhat refreshed when I wake up in the morning…minus the terrible allergies I’m experiencing here in Austin:(

Yesterday I swam outside in south Austin where Neil Walker coaches. Neil is a former teammate of mine and one of my closest and dearest friends. He is a two-time Olympian who will go down in history as being one of the best swimmers of his time. What’s even more impressive than Neil’s swimming career is his character. He is known on the team as the Godfather. I have always looked to Neil as a model of how I should act and carry myself on the pool deck and in life. He carries himself with a great sense of confidence while maintaining the most down to earth and humble attitude. Although we were great competitors he never shied away from helping me achieve my dreams and get better. Without a doubt Neil Walker has been a huge factor in my success as both a swimmer but also as a person.

I swam easy for about 45 minutes with his swimmers yesterday afternoon. The sun was beaming down on me and my emotions were taken to another level of happiness simply because I was outside enjoying the brilliant weather.

Currently around the US there are many conference swimming championships going on. Many people are swimming incredibly fast. I generally don’t follow swimming or think about it much when I leave the pool. Although swimming is a big part of my life it does not consume me nor define who I am. One of the main reasons I don’t follow results is because it’s difficult for me to watch other people swim fast when I am not or when the opportunity is not there for me. This is true not because I’m not happy for them, quite the contrary. The truth of the matter is that I get anxious and want to be going fast too.

Imagine you are an archeologist and you study all year with your peers so that when the time comes you are prepared to make your most astounding discovery ever. Now imagine that they all go to some remote location in search of something more beautiful, more spectacular, more exciting than any of you ever thought imaginable. Here’s the catch…you don’t get to go. You have to stay at home and read about their discoveries, their triumphs, their record breaking finds and you get to experience none of it. Maybe you will get your chance in a week, maybe in two weeks, maybe not for another five months…who knows when? This is how I feel. I don’t want to hear or read or watch other people go fast when I am not allowed to or at that point of my season yet. The excitement literally races through my veins and I don’t know what to do with it. I try to keep myself calm and save it so when the time is right I just explode into a fury of speed, but it is hard.

Neil and I talked about it and he could see my excitement and a bit of frustration bottled up inside me. Here’s where his wisdom comes in. He told me to be patient and wait for the right time. When the opportunity presents itself I will be ready to pounce…and pounce I will. He agreed with me that there is a lot left in my tank. The possibilities are endless. Essentially I just need to get ahold of myself and relax. I need to look at this as just another test. Challenging my mind makes me better, makes us all better. Seriously, I can’t wait to swim fast again. I can’t wait to be 100% ready. I can’t wait to go a best time. I want to get that feeling again…that feeling where nothing else matters, where all the hard work all the sacrifice seems not only worth it but like the sweetest rhubarb pie my grandma ever made. I want to be on top of the world.

It is only a matter of time.