Tears of Mixed Emotion

Sometimes we all just shed tears of mixed emotion. This was certainly the case for me tonight… I watched a short highlight DVD of the Beijing Olympics that my parents gave me for the holidays.
For those of you who don’t know…Beijing was the most magical and fulfilling experience of my life! I fulfilled my dream of becoming an Olympic Gold medalist. What’s more, I felt like I was a part of something bigger and more meaningful than anything else I had ever experienced…I represented the United States of America on the world’s biggest stage. I never would have imagined how emotional and incredibly proud I would be to wear the Stars and Stripes…it was literally life changing for me. For the first time in my life I realized the Olympics was more than a sporting event. The Olympics was a time when all nations could set aside their differences for two weeks and enjoy coming together to watch the world’s greatest athletes take the stage and compete. I had never and may never again be exposed to an environment that seemed so pure, so positive, so focused on perfection and so hospitable to others who don’t even speak the same language as you. There was a sense that everything was right with the world. It was truly magnificent!!!

Imagine watching a DVD of something you lived through. Now imagine this time period being the most amazing experience of your life. Imagine being in the movie. Imagine a soundtrack that exudes inspiration, triumph, defeat, emotion, love, and a sheer will to win. Now you get an idea of what the scene was like in my room as my eyes were literally locked on the TV. I began watching while stretching my hamstrings on the floor. By the end of the DVD I was about three feet closer to the TV and crouching down on my knees with my hands on the floor in front of me. My heart rate had spiked while my brain had simultaneously released tons of adrenaline deep into my veins and muscles…I was ready to explode with excitement. I was enthralled. This was one of those times we’ve all experienced when you really don’t want the movie to end.

While this was unbelievably exciting for me to watch I had some feelings of sadness as well…the Beijing Olympics are history. For me, watching and in a small sense reliving these moments that had surrounded me in Beijing was like thinking of the most perfect day…the day when everything went right…when the weather was perfect, the food was spectacular, the company was second to none, your expectations were exceeded…you were the happiest of your life and don’t know if it will ever get any better…and you can never go back. That day can never happen again. You will never relive that experience. The only thing left is the memory that is in your mind…and that memory tickles your mind like it wants you to come back and relive some more but there is no possible way. This is the sadness I feel.

As I sat in my room I shed a few tears of mixed emotion. Tears of the happiest moment, the highest high, the dream come true and the tears of knowing that experience will never come back again…I will never be able to relive or go back to the Beijing Olympics.

So tell me…how would you feel?

Is this absurd or is there some legitimacy to my feelings?

I don’t know?

As the year of 2008 comes to a close I think more and more about the best year of my life. The year I graduated the University of Texas, finally got my high blood pressure under control, had a great Olympic Trials and Beijing Olympics and finished it off by spending more time with my wonderful family than I had in years:) I wonder if there will be better years? Of course there will be. There will be different experiences, different joys and triumphs… I guess the difficulty for me is the uncertainty of not knowing what/if or when any of these things will happen.