Motivation in Unique Ways

I took this picture of the scoreboard during the final of the 50 Freestyle of the Beijing Olympics. Unfortunately I was in the stands taking this picture because I failed to qualify for the final of the 50 free just as I did for the 100 free. Both were huge disappointments for me not only because I had high expectations of winning medals, but because I felt like I let America down in not representing better. It wasn’t until I actually got to the Olympics that I realized how meaningful it was to wear the American flag on my cap. Unfortunately this time around I was not able to wear that flag for what would have been the two most important individual swims of my life:(

As I snapped this picture I had an empty feeling inside me. A feeling of disarray that I still don’t know how to best describe or make sense of. There have been few times in my swimming career when I honestly have no idea what happened at a particular meet. Generally I can always pinpoint things that went wrong, reasons why I didn’t perform like I wanted to, or reasons why I swam unbelievable. Watching that 50 free final and even today I don’t know what happened in my individual races at the Olympics? I wasn’t nervous, I was well prepared, I stayed on my strict diet as best I could, I wasn’t sick, my races were swum to the best of my ability at that time…I just didn’t have it, what I had just wasn’t enough. It’s crazy for me to say that because that’s one of the few times, if not the only time, I can say I did everything right I possibly could and just didn’t have what it took to get the job done.

The interesting thing about swimming and I think life in general, is that we don’t need to know all the answers, at least not right away. I’m content for right now not knowing what went wrong. I know in time, like everything else, I will figure this out and do it better next time. My mom always tells me, “everything happens for a reason.” I completely believe this. For now, I just don’t know the reason.

I didn’t know specifically what I would use this picture for at the time, but I needed to take it because somehow down the road it would fuel my fire. I knew I was going to look at it in the future and become motivated by it. Last night I was preparing for my first morning practice of this new season. I hate morning practice. It isn’t the swimming I hate, it isn’t event he early wake-up I hate. I hate diving into that cold water. If you tell me to wake up at 5:45am and lift weights or run or bike I would say, great. However, that cold water does something to my mind that is just not good.

So last night I knew what I had to do. I hung this picture of the 50 free final in my bathroom. I understand this is a bit more detail than might be needed but I need to tell you the truth. The bathroom is the point during every early morning when I say to myself, “I hate morning practice.” This is when I need the motivation. This morning I looked to my right and instead of saying, “I hate morning practice,” I said, “%#@* that, I don’t ever want to miss another final again.” It was just what I needed to wake myself up and get my mind ready and excited for the morning practice I had ahead of me. I urge all of you to motivate yourself in unique ways. Do something different, find things that work for you. I find the best motivation comes in little instances I know I will need a helping hand!